The 2014 Chesfield Downs Captain's Trip @ The Bristol Golf Club & St Mellion - The Build Up!

Preface

In general last year's blog was well received although some did comment it was a long read. So this year I think it appropriate to cater for the masses and write smaller chunks and update every couple of days. For those that were either (a) not on the captains trip last year, (b) were on it and couldn't be bothered to read it, or (c)just using the internet for porn (yes Mr Bonner we are looking at you), you can scroll down and they should be under this post. Not sure what happened to some of the photos but hey, it's still slightly amusing without them..

Without a doubt, it was a record turnout with 54 of us making the journey! I think that in itself shows how much stronger the men's section has become, combined with our mutual respect for this year's Captain Mr Phil Chester.

Apologies Sent

Needless to say with so many on board Cpt Chester's ship (no seamen jokes please as after room sharing with Paul I am sure he has had enough of it), there were some Trip Virgins (TVs) with us but please don't mention that to the wives.There were however some notable absences from the trip - too many to mention, but the esteemed Mr Jim Bishop was one who sent his apologies and could not make it so he decided to invest the time wisely and do what he generally does in the middle of a round....

Jim working on his swing again

Mr Wayne (OCD) Martin cited fear of golf club damage as he could not bear for them to be in the luggage compartment of a coach????? :) I am sure we could canvass all the members who were unable to make the trip but I do not think we will find a more original excuse than that. Can you just begin to imagine all the homework not being done excuses he came up with to his teachers. The mind boggles.

Anyway enough of the handbags who couldn't make it, this is a blog about the men who could :) And here they are, and chaps lets take a good look at ourselves and be honest there is muchos moobs on display, and what the hell is Jebba doing with his right hand, is he surreptitiously holding the end of it? Mr Garrett also looks like he has his hands full, but enough of that, let's not allow this blog to sink into crudity, yet :)

Pre-Tour Anticipation 

Confession time - the trip was so well organised and we had such a great group going down to play what we perceived to be fantastic courses I must admit that when considering the 2014 calendar this was the event I was most looking forward to, bar none. Even better, I heard that Mr N (Fairway) Jones, he of straight drives, and thrifty with his balls, stated to the Cpt he did not intend to lose a ball.

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA. More on that later :)

In the week leading up to the weekend the weather forecast looked more dire than my swing and there was much talk on social media as to whether a wet-suit, canoe or even submarine would be needed for the weekend. Thankfully there was no Noah event and apart from a few squalls we kept dry. Let's not mention the wind Dorothy. There was during the trip murmurings that Marlene/Boycey may have spent some time at Advanced Hair Studio and Harley St getting some work done on his lips, but I genuinely think this was unfounded. Well we have no proof, but I am not entirely sure....


I think we all agree form what I have heard that the planning of the trip was akin to an experienced mum of 6 taking the kids to the zoo - nothing was left to chance. We had a golf bag and trolley van to accompany the coach and I think we should all put our hands together once again for Paul "The Van Man" Taylor who drove it down, and unloaded and loaded clubs and trolleys in and out of it over the weekend - I really don't know where he found the time to play golf. Oh wait, just checked his scores he didn't, but he can set you up with a nice pair of deck shoes :)

Early Start

So early start it was then. Be at the club for 5.15 am was the expectation "or the coach will leave without you". Anyone struggle with the early start? I have previous for this, 2 years ago Mr Barton almost knocked my front door off its hinges trying to wake me up for the Spain Trip.  I did try and share a lift up as just the one car and Mrs A needed it to ferry the kids on the weekend, and Mr Lloyd did offer to drive me down to Bristol (thank you) but at an even earlier start of 4 am I forewent the offer.

Anyway I drove up the following morning and as I was there soooooo early Cpt asked Mr Batchelor was kind enough to follow me back home so I could drop the car back home for the Mrs and I came back up with him. Cheers Bertie.

Male amateur club golfers look nothing, and I repeat nothing, like the PGA and European Tour Pros we watch on Sky. Especially with a 5.30 am start and a prize on offer for the most colorfully dressed on the Friday!! I think it's fair to say, Milan, Paris, New York and London you have nothing to fear with regard to fashion from the golfers of Chesfield Downs.

There were a couple of notables, Mr Barton in his loud comic strip pants and matching hat and Mr Archer with his multicolured disco ball trouser effort and pink shirt (he really isn't gay is he), but in my limited fashonista opinion the Godzilla of disasters (and I was not judging) must go to Mr Halfpenny with the flower motifs sewn onto his orange trousers! When questioned as to what on earth possessed him to wear such a garment of hideous nature, he casually shrugged, and said, as far as I could make out "Oh well, you know, the wife, keen, crafts, kids". I nodded sagely and walked back onto the coach convinced he had married Dougal from The Magic Roundabout.

The trip to the Bristol was relatively uneventful apart from, the coach driver choosing the only decent movie for the whole trip but at that stage we were unaware of that else we would have applauded. I did not get his name, so remiss of me, so let's just call him |Rubik (after the cube) quite colourful, but puzzling at the same time, and a bastard to work out....

The hostesses serving the refreshments were Miss Hufton and Darlinson both thonged up as per normal as we see them after their round at Chesfield.

Dictionary Alert!

Thong:
1. a shoe or slipper fastened to the foot chiefly by a strip of leather or other material passing between the first and second toes and often attaching to another strip of material, as a strap across the instep or around the ankle.
2. a brief garment for the lower body that exposes the buttocks, consisting of a strip of fabric passing between the thighs and attached to a band around the waist.

Thankfully we were only exposed to 1, but Bill, really? lol

To spice things up a bit, Ady (next to me in coach), Peter H and Steve (Maggie) McGuire (in front) had a game of guess the arrival time when the coach stopped in the car park at the Bristol, without busting. I think I won but now I have forgotten. You should really come around sometime the long winter evenings just fly by at my place :)

After taking the wing mirrors off an Audi and a Merc, Rubik finally delivered us safely to the Bristol and man with the van, Van Diesel, aka Paul Taylor was already there with clubs and trolleys laid out. Legend.

So a blog about golf with no golf. To be continued.....