Captain's Trip to Celtic Manor and The Bristol (The finale)
So everyone was happy, all golf clubs had arrived, group photo had been taken, and it had stopped raining which in itself was a minor victory for those that had not brought any waterproofs to play golf in Wales!?
Wales climate; it rains, frequently and heavy, on a daily basis.
Wales recommendations for tourists; don't leave home without something to keep the rain off
Welsh thinking on "weathermen"; Snake oil peddlers
Capitano; Don't believe any of the above....
Ok, some boys were on the range myself included it did get a bit busy with not much space. Some were on the putting green, "fine tuning" as they said. Apparently that went not so well. Richard "Boycey" Deeks (just close your eyes next time you listen to him) was merrily topping wedges into the wind and self talking words to the effect of "Oh come on Boycey, don't start doing this now".
Off to the first tee then and I was absolutely inordinately pleased not to be in the first or second group ofduffers chaps who had unfortunate "luck" over the first three rounds. As last year at La Magna I was indeed in the first group of shame. So I was mentally fist pumping on the first tee at that result alone!
So, any memories of the first hole and how you started on the iconic 2010? That's right, close your eyes and take yourself back, we'd all been posed, positioned and arranged into a staged £50 photo shot and then we were off to the first tee....
Dogleg left bunkers in dogleg and wind helping off the right not overly long to start this isn't to bad is it? "Hahahaha", said the 2010, "just you wait my lovelies, just you wait...."
Standing on the first tee our four ball for the challenge that was to come was a great group. I imagined (not really) the announcer on the first tee doing the following introductions in a boxing theme...
Announcer: "Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome to the tee Match number three. Firstly representing himself, The Sheep and all fast food outlets in North Hertfordshire we have none other than the holllllllle in one man himself! Golf Courses tremble in his wake! Mr Ady "Aaaaaaloooopeciaaaa" Barton". Swing, Hit, Pull, Bunkers left - nothing new there then. As expected on the first back home so I applaud the consistency :)
Announcer: "Ooh got a bit tight on that did we Captain Tuggy? Expected better, but never mind, next up (no pressure) Ladies and Gentlemen we have The Deadly Assaaaaassinnnnnn, The Nuuuuumberrrrrrrrr Cruncher, The Paaaar 3 Muncher! representing Killer Accountants please put your hands together for Mr Steeeeeeeve McMuuuuulennnnn!". Swing, Hit, Straight down on a conservative "touch of lavender" line.
Announcer: "Ladies and Gentlemen next up, representing himself, The Sheep and all other things Welsh, Mr Mark "I have no idea where this is going" Aaaallllbaannnn." Swing, Hit, Striped, down the tiger line over right edge of bunkers. (I'd like to say that set the tone for the rest of the round - but it didn't)
Announcer: "Ladies and Gentlemen, bringing up the rear, as apparently is his modus operandi, please welcome to the tee, The Troooooperrr of Troopers, Mr DonnnnalddddDuuuuccckkk Deeeeeeee-Cups Monttttttgomeryyyy" (Don do us all a favour mate, never ever, and I repeat "ever" wear that yellow shirt you wore up the club a few weekends back. The girls behind the bar were distraught at their feelings of inadequacy and we had babies throwing bottles out of prams!). Any way back to the first, Swing, Tap, Middle of the fairway thank you very much.
And so we progressed, happily hitting shots not always straight mind you with the tail wind helping and then we came to theturd (apologies for the Irish inflection but it was a shit of a hole) third!
A mere 165 yards over the water into the previous tail wind we were now into the teeth of. If I could do anything again I would have captured our efforts on my phone on this hole, just out of pure masochism! I hit my first and the second in the pond, Ady and Steve did much the same although there was a suspicion of "I may have made the reeds" from Ady. Seriously?
Don, the cunning stunt, decides the smart play is a lay up to the right on the apron and executes it perfectly. Reed hunting for Ady's two shots was unsuccessful - what a surprise, and as it lay only Don was still in the hole. Sadly it didn't last. As if not bad enough already we then went into "Fawlty Towers" mode. With the water apparently "out of play", as Don let us know he had played here before and going over the water was madness apparently. Well, I am pleased to report he knobbed his second, it caught the slope on the approach to the green and he started to run after it! Thankfully the ball made the water before Don did! Drop, playing 4, and then Widow Twanky must have whispered in his ear "do not jeopardise this pantomime". Don took that on board, duffed the chip again into the water, and Miss Twanky left happy.
The 4th was fun too wasn't it? Now as I remember the first few holes were to "ease you into" a test of golfing ability?? The 4th, 420 yards or so into a howling gale. We may have got 2 points combined, if anyone made GIR there should have been a prize for that!
So onto the 5th, back with the wind and stroke index 1 - lovely. 3 of us got the drives safely on the fairway whilst Ady got a bit greedy and found the bunkers on the right of the dogleg.I hit a nice 7i in that just rolled off back of green into the collection area and got out of there with a 5. Ady hit a brilliant shot in from the fairway bunker, but I think 3 putted? for a 5 too. Steve and Don? Who knows but clearly it wasn't memorable ;)
As we were walking off the green the group in front had just teed off 6 and I heard the unmistakeable tones of Mr Crowhurst stating that he would never be intimidated by the 3rd at Chesfield again. And when you got to the tee who could blame him.
Water, lots of it all the way down the right, fairway sloping? Yes indeed, to the right. Par 4 just under 400 yards it was. Oh and the wind? Yep, that was left to right too!! The first 2 in our group decided to rinse their balls in the afore mentioned water (golf balls).
I was up next, obviously inspired by the first 2 and took dead aim at the left edge of the most left fairway bunker and to my bewilderment that ball flew as planned??? Drifted back on the wind and skipped happily up the right side of the fairway. Knocked it on the green and made par. What's that all about?
Littleish par three was next and got out of there with 2 points too so after a triple blob between holes 2-4, I had 10 points in the bag after 7. 30+ territory then. Or so I thought...
Could not have been more wrong! ;)
The 8th a par 4 must have been rubbish as I can't recall any part of it!
Then a walk to the 9th which was a long par 5 with the River Usk down the left hand side if really wild. Great looking hole with it's shape and definition. We decided to adopt a cunning scatter-gun strategy to the tee shots on this one. Don down the middle, I thought I was in the bunkers down the right side but as it turns out I was between and on the fairway. Ade missed it right completely and had a drop from the path, and Steve went left but no one in any significant bother. We all ruled out going for the green in 2 and here's a bit of perspective as to how much of a different game the pros play to all of us. We played it at 570 yds off the yellows the back tees are at 666 yds almost a full 100 yards longer - Devilishly difficult!
Walking down the fairway I am sure others witnessed the damage the floods had done months earlier with debris scattered throughout the field on other side of the far bank of the river (although a few may have said that's just Wales - crap everywhere). Don was particularly amazed that no one had nicked any of it for firewood. English mentality shining through his Saxon heritage there :)
Back to golf, blocked 2nd shot down the first cut on the right hand side with a 3 hybrid. Smothered approach low and left almost into a bush and lucky not to be OB. Never played this game before it seems. Couldn't go for green and had to punch out to front apron and then I think it was a chip and 2 putt for a point.
I thought the greens on the 2010 were excellent compared with the Montgomery and the fairways and surrounds too - but I guess that is represented in the differential in the green fees of the two courses.
So with a hop, skip and a jump we found ourselves on the 10th tee confronted by some urchin plying his trade. Hit the green if you can challenge, £5 in and guaranteed £5 voucher for pro shop with a free round thrown in if you hit the green. Now just to be clear, he did not at any point state that YOU HAD TO HIT THE GREEN WITH YOUR TEE SHOT!!! Hit it in 2 though and hats off to Ady and Steve for completing the "ambiguous" challenge an landing it on the dancefloor. It is of little comfort really as their prizes were purloined at the presentation by Chesfield's very own market trader, and CIW, Phil "have I got a deal for you" Chester. all for a good cause I must add - so hats off to Beagle Chester for sniffing out another opportunity ;)
Then to the "Halfway House" anyone else wonder why it's after the 10th and not actually halfway at all - just a kinky Welsh twist I guess. And to make things more difficult the gents only had one cubicle, it was a tight squeeze for 4...................................... so I left them to it :)
How good does this look the 11th, water left and right apparently! Just past the cart path where Ady went on safari again....
Wales climate; it rains, frequently and heavy, on a daily basis.
Wales recommendations for tourists; don't leave home without something to keep the rain off
Welsh thinking on "weathermen"; Snake oil peddlers
Capitano; Don't believe any of the above....
Ok, some boys were on the range myself included it did get a bit busy with not much space. Some were on the putting green, "fine tuning" as they said. Apparently that went not so well. Richard "Boycey" Deeks (just close your eyes next time you listen to him) was merrily topping wedges into the wind and self talking words to the effect of "Oh come on Boycey, don't start doing this now".
Off to the first tee then and I was absolutely inordinately pleased not to be in the first or second group of
So, any memories of the first hole and how you started on the iconic 2010? That's right, close your eyes and take yourself back, we'd all been posed, positioned and arranged into a staged £50 photo shot and then we were off to the first tee....
Dogleg left bunkers in dogleg and wind helping off the right not overly long to start this isn't to bad is it? "Hahahaha", said the 2010, "just you wait my lovelies, just you wait...."
Standing on the first tee our four ball for the challenge that was to come was a great group. I imagined (not really) the announcer on the first tee doing the following introductions in a boxing theme...
Announcer: "Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome to the tee Match number three. Firstly representing himself, The Sheep and all fast food outlets in North Hertfordshire we have none other than the holllllllle in one man himself! Golf Courses tremble in his wake! Mr Ady "Aaaaaaloooopeciaaaa" Barton". Swing, Hit, Pull, Bunkers left - nothing new there then. As expected on the first back home so I applaud the consistency :)
Announcer: "Ooh got a bit tight on that did we Captain Tuggy? Expected better, but never mind, next up (no pressure) Ladies and Gentlemen we have The Deadly Assaaaaassinnnnnn, The Nuuuuumberrrrrrrrr Cruncher, The Paaaar 3 Muncher! representing Killer Accountants please put your hands together for Mr Steeeeeeeve McMuuuuulennnnn!". Swing, Hit, Straight down on a conservative "touch of lavender" line.
Announcer: "Ladies and Gentlemen next up, representing himself, The Sheep and all other things Welsh, Mr Mark "I have no idea where this is going" Aaaallllbaannnn." Swing, Hit, Striped, down the tiger line over right edge of bunkers. (I'd like to say that set the tone for the rest of the round - but it didn't)
Announcer: "Ladies and Gentlemen, bringing up the rear, as apparently is his modus operandi, please welcome to the tee, The Troooooperrr of Troopers, Mr Donnnnaldddd
And so we progressed, happily hitting shots not always straight mind you with the tail wind helping and then we came to the
A mere 165 yards over the water into the previous tail wind we were now into the teeth of. If I could do anything again I would have captured our efforts on my phone on this hole, just out of pure masochism! I hit my first and the second in the pond, Ady and Steve did much the same although there was a suspicion of "I may have made the reeds" from Ady. Seriously?
Don, the cunning stunt, decides the smart play is a lay up to the right on the apron and executes it perfectly. Reed hunting for Ady's two shots was unsuccessful - what a surprise, and as it lay only Don was still in the hole. Sadly it didn't last. As if not bad enough already we then went into "Fawlty Towers" mode. With the water apparently "out of play", as Don let us know he had played here before and going over the water was madness apparently. Well, I am pleased to report he knobbed his second, it caught the slope on the approach to the green and he started to run after it! Thankfully the ball made the water before Don did! Drop, playing 4, and then Widow Twanky must have whispered in his ear "do not jeopardise this pantomime". Don took that on board, duffed the chip again into the water, and Miss Twanky left happy.
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| The Crime Scene - Doesn't look like much does it? |
The 4th was fun too wasn't it? Now as I remember the first few holes were to "ease you into" a test of golfing ability?? The 4th, 420 yards or so into a howling gale. We may have got 2 points combined, if anyone made GIR there should have been a prize for that!
So onto the 5th, back with the wind and stroke index 1 - lovely. 3 of us got the drives safely on the fairway whilst Ady got a bit greedy and found the bunkers on the right of the dogleg.I hit a nice 7i in that just rolled off back of green into the collection area and got out of there with a 5. Ady hit a brilliant shot in from the fairway bunker, but I think 3 putted? for a 5 too. Steve and Don? Who knows but clearly it wasn't memorable ;)
As we were walking off the green the group in front had just teed off 6 and I heard the unmistakeable tones of Mr Crowhurst stating that he would never be intimidated by the 3rd at Chesfield again. And when you got to the tee who could blame him.
Water, lots of it all the way down the right, fairway sloping? Yes indeed, to the right. Par 4 just under 400 yards it was. Oh and the wind? Yep, that was left to right too!! The first 2 in our group decided to rinse their balls in the afore mentioned water (golf balls).
I was up next, obviously inspired by the first 2 and took dead aim at the left edge of the most left fairway bunker and to my bewilderment that ball flew as planned??? Drifted back on the wind and skipped happily up the right side of the fairway. Knocked it on the green and made par. What's that all about?
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| Good memories for me, but maybe not for all? |
Littleish par three was next and got out of there with 2 points too so after a triple blob between holes 2-4, I had 10 points in the bag after 7. 30+ territory then. Or so I thought...
Could not have been more wrong! ;)
The 8th a par 4 must have been rubbish as I can't recall any part of it!
Then a walk to the 9th which was a long par 5 with the River Usk down the left hand side if really wild. Great looking hole with it's shape and definition. We decided to adopt a cunning scatter-gun strategy to the tee shots on this one. Don down the middle, I thought I was in the bunkers down the right side but as it turns out I was between and on the fairway. Ade missed it right completely and had a drop from the path, and Steve went left but no one in any significant bother. We all ruled out going for the green in 2 and here's a bit of perspective as to how much of a different game the pros play to all of us. We played it at 570 yds off the yellows the back tees are at 666 yds almost a full 100 yards longer - Devilishly difficult!
Walking down the fairway I am sure others witnessed the damage the floods had done months earlier with debris scattered throughout the field on other side of the far bank of the river (although a few may have said that's just Wales - crap everywhere). Don was particularly amazed that no one had nicked any of it for firewood. English mentality shining through his Saxon heritage there :)
Back to golf, blocked 2nd shot down the first cut on the right hand side with a 3 hybrid. Smothered approach low and left almost into a bush and lucky not to be OB. Never played this game before it seems. Couldn't go for green and had to punch out to front apron and then I think it was a chip and 2 putt for a point.
I thought the greens on the 2010 were excellent compared with the Montgomery and the fairways and surrounds too - but I guess that is represented in the differential in the green fees of the two courses.
So with a hop, skip and a jump we found ourselves on the 10th tee confronted by some urchin plying his trade. Hit the green if you can challenge, £5 in and guaranteed £5 voucher for pro shop with a free round thrown in if you hit the green. Now just to be clear, he did not at any point state that YOU HAD TO HIT THE GREEN WITH YOUR TEE SHOT!!! Hit it in 2 though and hats off to Ady and Steve for completing the "ambiguous" challenge an landing it on the dancefloor. It is of little comfort really as their prizes were purloined at the presentation by Chesfield's very own market trader, and CIW, Phil "have I got a deal for you" Chester. all for a good cause I must add - so hats off to Beagle Chester for sniffing out another opportunity ;)
Then to the "Halfway House" anyone else wonder why it's after the 10th and not actually halfway at all - just a kinky Welsh twist I guess. And to make things more difficult the gents only had one cubicle, it was a tight squeeze for 4...................................... so I left them to it :)
How good does this look the 11th, water left and right apparently! Just past the cart path where Ady went on safari again....
 |
| See that rubbish on the right? Dont go there |
Nice big wide landing area before running out into the water but the wind was helping in as much as it was left to right, and then the fairway narrows up for lay up distances. Stuffed it in the greenside bunker after laying up, out and 2 putts for 2 points. That triple blob run between 2 and 4 was a distant memory it seemed... plenty of time for it to return and indeed it did.
12th - water left, water right, approach to green carry over water. We did have a bit of wait time as Fisherman Wheeler as filling his boots searching for golf balls in the shallows. I hear he was +28 for the round - not his score but in golf balls found.
Anyway one of the finest blobs for lots of reasons. Good drive into fairway longish iron carry to green. So I think "Don't be silly Mark play down left side to end of fairway and pitch on". Seems sensible shot on the hole and whatnot. Insert Fawlty Towers school of golf moment here. Smothered second into fwy bunker on left, barely got it out, flew next (4th) just above bunker at far end of fwy. Pitched out to 20 ft and missed the putt = Blob. Just the sort of catastrophe needed before this!!!!!!!
The good old 13th - Yardage was right, club was right didn't commit to the shot and it plopped in the water about 10 yards from the bank. Clubbed up 1, hit another into the greenside bunker at the back - not where you want to be with the green running away from you back into the lake. Bucket and spade time and picked up = Blob.
14th - has to be one of my favourite looking holes on the course, dogleg right with water carry (for something different) that get you a shorter iron in if you make it, or go down the fairway which also runs out to water. Hit a good drive to position A, after mildly suggesting to Steve* that the water route was not really that much of a carry - he went for it and gave his ball a rinse, then playing 3 off the tee he hit it so well that despite carrying the water he was unlucky and he ran into it on the other side. *Update he has bought a new driver since!
15th we actually played off the back tees, this was the split hole where you could go straight for it through the gap in the trees or play up onto the fairway. Ady and I banged it up the fairway but just a bit right and caught the first cut so we did not get past the corner and were blocked out by the trees, Don followed us up the fairway and Steve? Well Steve went the direct route and after firing his second well over the green it to some thick welsh foliage, I think he then knobbed one trying to get out and put next in bunker. And literally it was all down hill from there - blob. Back in the real world, Ady and I were weighing up whether we far enough back from the trees to clear them and get it all the way to the green. If you didn't there was a steep hill before it with water hazard waiting at the bottom to punish you! I thought better of it and pitched down the fairway from where I hit wedge to about 10 foot. Ady went for it over the tree and as expected got the punishment but only half of it. In getting the height to get over the trees, not only did it fall short of the green but also the steep bank in front of it and landed on the flat area the other side of the hazard. And as the golfing gods dictate I missed the putt and walked off with a 5, whilst Ady played a sublime up and down I have seen for a long while for his 4.
I would like to point out here that the direct route is for golfers who generally have the ability to thread it through and get either on, or close, to the green and as we were walking off we looked down on the group behind searching for their balls after going about 150 yards on the direct route! - I think "Burglar Jones" may have been one of them who should certainly know better :)
Ok enough of this hole by hole commentary!
The final three holes were as hard as Martin's pre-shot routine, and the experience of turning back into the wind on 16 through 18 - what a breeze that was :)
Upon fininshing on 18 and completing the customary handshakes the 2 groups in front of us were nowhere to be seen, so we took it upon ourselves to abandon the clubs at the walk off area and climb the hill to barrack/cheer the remaining groups in. You can see what a great finishing hole this is, and would have been for the Ryder Cup as it was built for spectating! I thought this was the highlight of the day, we were Wooooaaahhhhing as appraches came in and cheering when they made the carry and Ohhing when they found the water. We inventively came up with a unique jig of ridicule for shots that found a watery grave which involved us all in a line give a little wave, holding our nose and bobbing down on our haunches as we waved goodbyeto their stableford points.
Hilarity? Yes indeed, but...
You had to be there.
If there are any women reading this, know for sure that men are always boys, and *sigh*, as per usual, you just wouldn't understand......
The piste de'resistance had to be watching I'l Capitano (Andy "I lost my balls" Ward), hit shot after shot after shot into the water and they all got the dance! He was so determined to get on the green the red mist had clearly descended, and not for one second did he realise those were new balls he was feeding to the fish! Until a little bit later.
Once all groups were in we wandered up to get a well earned beer or two, but the only servant was making sandwiches!! 20 minute wait for drinks for some, shame on you CM shame.
Presentation time
Andy was being Mother Hen and arranging the prizes quite particularly - think there may be a bit of OCD in the family but shhhhhhh!
Prizes were handed out according to the size of the sombrero on display and there were none bigger than Mr Watson, Mr Garrett and Mr 'Il Capitano'. As an aside, Mr Garrett won so many balls, he won't have to but any for a while. Apparently his plastic surgeon is not amused.
Speaking of balls the shame of finishing last was handed out to none other than our handicap club champion, Mr Howarth, and for his efforts (which, all things considered were pretty impressive beating Fisherman Wheeler), he was duly rewarded with three pink balls to play with. It's a bit of a hint isn't it - some golf guy/developer/marketer with a golfing wife who was clearly not getting enough, thought he'd drop a hint....
Anyway the journey home was, for the majority uneventful, unless you were in Boycey's beast. Mr Howarth apparently was keen to get stranded in a "popular" lay-by with Boycey and there are rumours regarding siphoning Boycey's Beast but lets not go there. Thankfully they made it to the services with 3 miles left in the tank.
And Mr Howarth? Although disappointed he has already put his pink balls in play (welcome back Tony).
It was a fantastic trip and all I have left to to is thank and congratulate the cast for making it so. So without further ado, please put your hand together for the following, in no particular order;
Steve "I am here on credit with the wife" McMullen
Mike's Boner (Mike Bonser)
Steve "What you mean no Karaoke" McGuire
Alan Carr - just so chatty (Ady Barton)
Nigel "Burglar" Jones
Tony "Pink" Howarth
Dennis "Fisherman" Wheeler
Smelly Wife (Wilf Emsley)
Barry "please explain pool" Kither
Angry Beard (Gary Dabner)
It's Her Raper (Peter Harris)
Satan Vowed (him to be a NUFC fan - Dave Watson)
Tony "Show me the Buggy!" Rollinson
Andy "I'l Capitano" Ward
"Boycey"
Peter "Major" Garrett
Craig "Page 3 wannabe" Crowhurst
Phil - am sure he has done this before "Etch her Lips" Chester
Mark "I have a secret" Smith
Bill "Suarez" Glover lol
And last but not least, as stated above;
Don Orgy Moment (Don Montgomery)
Thanks for a great time all
Mark (I have no idea where this is going) Alban
12th - water left, water right, approach to green carry over water. We did have a bit of wait time as Fisherman Wheeler as filling his boots searching for golf balls in the shallows. I hear he was +28 for the round - not his score but in golf balls found.
Anyway one of the finest blobs for lots of reasons. Good drive into fairway longish iron carry to green. So I think "Don't be silly Mark play down left side to end of fairway and pitch on". Seems sensible shot on the hole and whatnot. Insert Fawlty Towers school of golf moment here. Smothered second into fwy bunker on left, barely got it out, flew next (4th) just above bunker at far end of fwy. Pitched out to 20 ft and missed the putt = Blob. Just the sort of catastrophe needed before this!!!!!!!
 |
| the look of inevitability |
14th - has to be one of my favourite looking holes on the course, dogleg right with water carry (for something different) that get you a shorter iron in if you make it, or go down the fairway which also runs out to water. Hit a good drive to position A, after mildly suggesting to Steve* that the water route was not really that much of a carry - he went for it and gave his ball a rinse, then playing 3 off the tee he hit it so well that despite carrying the water he was unlucky and he ran into it on the other side. *Update he has bought a new driver since!
15th we actually played off the back tees, this was the split hole where you could go straight for it through the gap in the trees or play up onto the fairway. Ady and I banged it up the fairway but just a bit right and caught the first cut so we did not get past the corner and were blocked out by the trees, Don followed us up the fairway and Steve? Well Steve went the direct route and after firing his second well over the green it to some thick welsh foliage, I think he then knobbed one trying to get out and put next in bunker. And literally it was all down hill from there - blob. Back in the real world, Ady and I were weighing up whether we far enough back from the trees to clear them and get it all the way to the green. If you didn't there was a steep hill before it with water hazard waiting at the bottom to punish you! I thought better of it and pitched down the fairway from where I hit wedge to about 10 foot. Ady went for it over the tree and as expected got the punishment but only half of it. In getting the height to get over the trees, not only did it fall short of the green but also the steep bank in front of it and landed on the flat area the other side of the hazard. And as the golfing gods dictate I missed the putt and walked off with a 5, whilst Ady played a sublime up and down I have seen for a long while for his 4.
I would like to point out here that the direct route is for golfers who generally have the ability to thread it through and get either on, or close, to the green and as we were walking off we looked down on the group behind searching for their balls after going about 150 yards on the direct route! - I think "Burglar Jones" may have been one of them who should certainly know better :)
Ok enough of this hole by hole commentary!
The final three holes were as hard as Martin's pre-shot routine, and the experience of turning back into the wind on 16 through 18 - what a breeze that was :)
Upon fininshing on 18 and completing the customary handshakes the 2 groups in front of us were nowhere to be seen, so we took it upon ourselves to abandon the clubs at the walk off area and climb the hill to barrack/cheer the remaining groups in. You can see what a great finishing hole this is, and would have been for the Ryder Cup as it was built for spectating! I thought this was the highlight of the day, we were Wooooaaahhhhing as appraches came in and cheering when they made the carry and Ohhing when they found the water. We inventively came up with a unique jig of ridicule for shots that found a watery grave which involved us all in a line give a little wave, holding our nose and bobbing down on our haunches as we waved goodbyeto their stableford points.
Hilarity? Yes indeed, but...
You had to be there.
If there are any women reading this, know for sure that men are always boys, and *sigh*, as per usual, you just wouldn't understand......
The piste de'resistance had to be watching I'l Capitano (Andy "I lost my balls" Ward), hit shot after shot after shot into the water and they all got the dance! He was so determined to get on the green the red mist had clearly descended, and not for one second did he realise those were new balls he was feeding to the fish! Until a little bit later.
Once all groups were in we wandered up to get a well earned beer or two, but the only servant was making sandwiches!! 20 minute wait for drinks for some, shame on you CM shame.
Presentation time
Andy was being Mother Hen and arranging the prizes quite particularly - think there may be a bit of OCD in the family but shhhhhhh!
Prizes were handed out according to the size of the sombrero on display and there were none bigger than Mr Watson, Mr Garrett and Mr 'Il Capitano'. As an aside, Mr Garrett won so many balls, he won't have to but any for a while. Apparently his plastic surgeon is not amused.
Speaking of balls the shame of finishing last was handed out to none other than our handicap club champion, Mr Howarth, and for his efforts (which, all things considered were pretty impressive beating Fisherman Wheeler), he was duly rewarded with three pink balls to play with. It's a bit of a hint isn't it - some golf guy/developer/marketer with a golfing wife who was clearly not getting enough, thought he'd drop a hint....
Anyway the journey home was, for the majority uneventful, unless you were in Boycey's beast. Mr Howarth apparently was keen to get stranded in a "popular" lay-by with Boycey and there are rumours regarding siphoning Boycey's Beast but lets not go there. Thankfully they made it to the services with 3 miles left in the tank.
And Mr Howarth? Although disappointed he has already put his pink balls in play (welcome back Tony).
It was a fantastic trip and all I have left to to is thank and congratulate the cast for making it so. So without further ado, please put your hand together for the following, in no particular order;
Steve "I am here on credit with the wife" McMullen
Mike's Boner (Mike Bonser)
Steve "What you mean no Karaoke" McGuire
Alan Carr - just so chatty (Ady Barton)
Nigel "Burglar" Jones
Tony "Pink" Howarth
Dennis "Fisherman" Wheeler
Smelly Wife (Wilf Emsley)
Barry "please explain pool" Kither
Angry Beard (Gary Dabner)
It's Her Raper (Peter Harris)
Satan Vowed (him to be a NUFC fan - Dave Watson)
Tony "Show me the Buggy!" Rollinson
Andy "I'l Capitano" Ward
"Boycey"
Peter "Major" Garrett
Craig "Page 3 wannabe" Crowhurst
Phil - am sure he has done this before "Etch her Lips" Chester
Mark "I have a secret" Smith
Bill "Suarez" Glover lol
And last but not least, as stated above;
Don Orgy Moment (Don Montgomery)
Thanks for a great time all
Mark (I have no idea where this is going) Alban
It seems you have become obsessed with anagrams Mr 'Blank Ram'. An enjoyable read, but somewhat spoiled for me by your analysis of the 15th hole. Allow me to correct you. It was indeed me scurrying around looking for a ball about 120 yards from the tee in the dense undergrowth surrounding the little metal bridge over the stream, but the ball belonged to Boycey (Deeksy Boycey, not Maxy Boycey).
ReplyDeleteI, as you well know, am a man of prodigious length (in a golfing sense)and my ball was many, many yards further up the fairway.
Until the next time.
Nigel