Captain's Trip to Celtic Manor and The Bristol (Part 1)

Part 1

The day dawned bright and fair. Bags already packed the night before, outfits chosen, clubs not cleaned, but I was ready! Ready for the annual pilgrimage to superb pubs golf courses not visited before. Indeed, it was the Chesfield Downs Men's Section Captain's Trip for 2013.

Following on from the 2012 trip to La Magna, this year's odyssey was closer to home westbound down the M4 to Bristol and then on to Celtic Manor in God's Country - land of 6 nations champions and the British Lions team* :) 

1 round at The Bristol, 2 on the Montgomery course and 1 on the 2010.

*disclaimer - written by a Welshman ;)

Day 1 - The Drive Down

Ady "Is there any Whip left?" Barton, drove Steve "Does my sombrero look good in this 18 hcp?" Mcguire, and I down in the Mondeo - 3 blokes, clubs, luggage (although Sombrero only brought his Man Bag - ask his wife about that one apparently she recommends man bags) and two trolleys. It's not a boot really, it's a cave. Anyway the journey got off to an extremely successful start. I did not have the same repeat as least year when "Whip" was trying to bash my front door in to wake me up! No, indeed, I was ready, prepared, and chomping at the bit. Even sent a text to make sure all was on plan - I think "Whip" was taken by surprise and needed a sit down such was his shock at my preparedness. My eldest joined the scouts this year.

A quick stop at Reading Services where we ignored by a pair of friendly Double D's despite trying to get their attention and waving madly at them in the car park. Don't think she liked us Don and Dabs saw us. Sombrero and I duly coffeed up and Whip was looking around for something to hit, so he went to the gents...

All done, back into the Mondeo, Whip starts the car and casually puts a pair of glasses on?? I think "they weren't there before, he doesn't wear glasses, WTF". Me: "Ade why do you have glasses on, you don't need them do you?" (bear in mind we have already covered 100 miles or so at the mercy of his eyesight). Whip: "Oh just need them sometimes, and can't find anywhere to put them!" Ah, way to instill confidence then,, so he takes them of and puts his sunglasses back on. Now if I was a catholic I would have been doing their thing with the crossing oneself!

I digress, this is supposed to be about golf after all. Now, for anyone that has played golf with "Whip" his driving can be a bit hit and miss - not so on this trip - just look at the poise and soft right hand he has in this grip. A little weak maybe?

All went well until he got a bit excited close to The Bristol, we were about to run a red light on the roundabout (I mean who puts them there?) until the back-seat driver pointed it out - anchor time! Then did not want to take the signposted turn right into the Bristol as was looking for the turning on the left. So about those glasses?.....

 Day 1 - The Bristol

Anticipation was growing as we gathered in the beer garden. Apparently some of the lads cheated and went out on the par 3 course to get a feel for the speed of the greens and warm up with a few wedges. No names - you know who you are. 

Oi! Has anyone seen my glasses? Who's that?

The rest of us were sociable had a couple of drinks and then lunch was served - ham, egg and chips. Can't really mess that up can you? Apparently you can! Eggs - tick, Ham - tick, Chips - could do better.

Then we were reminded of the format by Andy "I'l Capitano" Ward. Individual prize on the days for winners and 2nd place, nearest pin and most importantly the team competition. 4 Teams, imaginatively named the Welsh Dragons, Sheep, Leeks and Rabbits? With all individual scores counting to team total over the four rounds. I was in Team Sheep and honestly that's a first! No more sheep jokes for 23 men travelling to Wales, I get enough of that without having to write about it :)

Running order was set and after a quick bit of of allowable non-cheating practice on the putting green it was off to the first tee.

I'l Capitano ready and prepared to start the trip

No he's not, what's this then?

Ok, so once he got his nerves settled he was on the first tee lining up the drive and we had a photo bomber.....

Is it my turn yet?

And then we were off;

the only other notable picture from the first tee was courtesy of Nigel "Jelly Legs" Jones - he just had a lesson so all can be forgiven - working on his hip thrust with Jo apparently....

Thrust!

The Bristol was great, good holes a bit fiddly, nice layout, the first through third are played at the top of the valley then you drive down into it for the 4th and stay there for just what you need after the 17th a big walk up the hill to the 18th. Would love to play it again, a very fair course with some interesting holes and local knowledge would help somewhat in club selection off the tee. 
I had an enjoyable four-ball with Don "The Trooper"(more on that later) Montgomery, Dennis "Fisherman" Wheeler, and Richard "Take a photo of me Mark, please?" Deeks.

Deeksy now one of your finest moment is on the web ;)

Bloody topped it again!

Only 2 complaints really, firstly the greens were very sandy which made for inconsistency and secondly Team Sheep were joint second. The Rabbits had got off to a fast start - no surprise there think moral of the hare and the tortoise, Sheep and Dragons were neck and neck and the Leeks? Well they were already leaking shots.

After a couple of beverages following the Ade starting a whip, we were off to Wales - obviously you have to pay for the experience, so after driving through this sight of blue sky and sun, it never rains in Wales in May

and handing over the "entrance fee" (For those in the know the Welsh don't have to pay) we made it to Celtic Manor. 

After a quick shower and change and I'l Capitano scouting the local eateries we descended on a local curry house. Martin "Tarka Daal" Kemp certainly got excited when we arrived...must have thought all his Christmases had come at once when he saw the restaurant!

Here is Mr Martin Tarka Daal slightly abashed

sporting a suspicious stain on his jumper

But fair play to the restaurant and staff they had 20 of us drop in on them in about an hours notice and have to say the food was excellent, and probably one of the better curries I have had in quite a few years.

And as we were leaving it was nice to see that, despite the English getting punished badly at the Millennium Stadium, Mr Mojito was clearly harbouring no ill will and clearly embracing the welsh experience by starting to learn the language.....

Phil window shopping in the Amsterdam equivalent of Wales - seems to like what he sees

2 - Celtic Manor Montgomery Course

I was "rooming" with Mr Jones who I have no doubt would make an excellent burglar, and coming from Newport may already have some experience in that field!Upon waking to the sound of my alarm strategically placed away from my bed so I had to get up to walk to it to turn it off I looked around and he was nowhere to be found. Shower had been used too - so dressed, showered and out the room without making a sound. An alternative explanation is that whatever the beer we were drinking at Tarka was good stuff. Will let you make up your own minds.

After a great buffet breakfast and also purloining a baaaaanana (Team Sheep -sorry) and apple for the round from the fruit section it was off to the Montgomery. Shuttle bus operating from CM to the clubhouse so all was organised, loading the clubs on so I ran off for a quick bathroom stop and came back to find Ade and no shuttle bus! With waiting (15 minutes) and what not for the return Ade missed the first tee group he was scheduled for, I was in the last group so had a look around the pro-shop and treated myself to a magnetic hat-clip ball marker for a fiver - which ended up being quite ironic as I now have 2. So you see these on the LPGA and LET tours a lot it seems to be a bit of a ladies thing - not sure why that is maybe the guys like checking their balls in their pockets whilst rummaging around for their ball markers on the PGA tour and put it on the hat and the ladies don't keep their balls there - who knows? Regardless, I found it fantastic - reach up ball marker to hand instantly no faffing around in pockets - highly recommend them!

The Course

OK let's cut straight to the chase shall we? Considering Monty is a fat bastard heavy around the waist who would have thought he would have designed a golf course that gives you a workout? Up hill and down dale as they say in the North and none more so than the indomitable Mr Phil "Mojito" Chester and Bill "Strap-on" Glover (apparently Bill works for a tool company by that name). Speaking of our Northern members I understand Mr Bonser had no need of his roll of Andrex this year - that folks is a good thing! Speaking of which, Mr Watson spent the weekend despairing his team's season was indeed literally going down the toilet. Chin up Dave, Swansea (welsh link) did you a favour beating Wigan Tuesday night - there is hope at the end of the S-Bend! :) 

Back to golf - We played this course twice in the day. No mean feat. Played with Sombrero, The Trooper and Fisherman. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed the course and the company but it was a hard walk and I would not want to be a member on it, playing it week in week out - there's not much to me as it is! The most memorable hole for me was the 3rd as you walk down after your second the whole views to the valley open up and you are looking down at the 2010 course, it truly is a wonderful sight. Close second was the first which I parred both times and was 4 foot short of driving the green in the afternoon :) Sombrero birdies it both times....

Going down the 3rd

Some of the greens were punishing if not hit in the right spot and balls would roll off them leaving difficult up and downs. Liked the 10th too nice down hill par 4 second over water to elevated green, blobbed the thing twice though from inside 100 yds with second shot. Knob - the only bit of water on the whole course and I found it both times - 100% success rate of putting the ball in the wrong place.

The second round followed an exorbitant lunch where some chaps actually paid £15 for a burger??? Recommend the sausage and mash, very nice and a mere bargain at £12.

Now to draw attention to an important point, our man Don is struggling with his knee, to the extent that he found it difficult to even mark his ball on the green yet he walked, yes that's right, walked, the course in the morning. Not mentioning any names but there were quite a few buggies in the morning from far fitter "men" not carrying injuries. Shame on you, shame. Don - take my hat off to you.

Right now that we are clear, I took a buggy for the afternoon round only! 

Afternoon was more fun, zipping around in the buggy between holes and obviously there is the added benefit of already having played the course which certainly helped with some of the blind shots.

Then we congregated back at the bar in the lodge where cards were collected for Il Capitano to confirm the team position and individual glory hunters winners. For whatever reason it was not announced there and we were all to meet back at CM for drinks and a rooftop BBQ. Great idea in theory but as we were there in early May and the rooftop BBQ didn't start until June there was a slight flaw in the plan. I still to this day do not have confirmation of who it was that came up with this blinder. Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond our control we were unable to wait the requisite 29 days - so we had a good discussion about what to do......we were there for a while..

A Thoughtful discussion

During this period of time more beverages were consumed by already dehydrated golfers with some outstanding comic effects. One that will stay in the memory for a while was a certain member of the group unwittingly moving like a Thunderbird whilst sounding like Marlene from Only Fools and Horses :)

I think from memory the lounge area in the above was called Merlin's, some stayed here and some went in search of the elusive "Sports Bar". I finally made way down in time for Il Capitano to announce the results.